im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
