either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
