By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
