Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
