Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Soap is not a condiment
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
