Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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