I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize