Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
