i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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