just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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