we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
