fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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