And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
