I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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