i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
