HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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