I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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