i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
