I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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