Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So vagazzling was a success
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize