Will you blow on my dice?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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