Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
