i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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