What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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