I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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