life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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