First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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