Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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