I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
