On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
