I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
