it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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