i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize