I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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