I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
