sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
