Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
