on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
