so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
