I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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