She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
