I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
