I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
