You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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