No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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