why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
