Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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