I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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