Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
