wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize