nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
