all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
