i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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