He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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