watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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