a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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