based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
