I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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