Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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