ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
