Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
