My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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