she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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