she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I intend to get homeless drunk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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