i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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