accomplished twins. life is a go
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize