Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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