I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
