When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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