i already hear my dad disowning me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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