I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
