I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
