maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Best friends brother. Beat that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize