so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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