He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
