I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
