Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
