never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
